That jokes

We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.

Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!

Your hairline is so far back Sherlock couldn't solve that mystery.

I heard that the World Orphan Organization has a sponsor... DC Comics.

Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:

"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."

Anyone know what bird that is?

Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)

That's it, it wasn't a joke.

I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,

that's a big red flag!

Your forehead is so big that it said, "To be continued."

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.