That jokes
Okay, I'm going to be sharing a story that I never shared before... Look in the chat to see the whole story.
Your forehead is so big that it was used as a billboard.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
Edward Scissorhands: Why is it that every time I touch someone, they get offended?
Kids: Because you're a psycho path.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.
I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
Why is it that skinny men like fat women?
Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”