That jokes

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."

"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?

Sir Loin.

Your mum is so fat that when she wore a yellow coat people called taxi!

Yo mama so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-

Grand Theft Otter!

I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.

Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

Nobody finds that one funny.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so ugly that no one likes you.

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!

What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?

Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.

Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.

What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?

The lobsters in the kitchen.

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus.

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."