Tell jokes
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Roses are red,
I don't know what is brass.
I tell myself,
"Don't touch grass."
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."