Technology jokes

I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon -- from a landline.

Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes into a bank, they turn off the cameras.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that's a hardware problem.

I like my girls like my file systems...

FAT and 16.

Why was the computer late to work?

Because it had a hard drive!

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.