Software jokes

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Where did the software developer go?

I don’t know, he ransomware!

What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?

Cutting-edge Technology.

It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.

The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.

The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.

It's not pedophilia, it's early access.

He's not really dead, his update failed.

I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

How did the computer get out of the house?

He used windows.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?

Ask Boeing.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.

Why did the computer go to the doctor?

Because it had a virus.

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."