Swimming jokes

What do you call a black person swimming?

Cursed Minecraft image.

What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?

Vegetable soup.

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.

What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

Q: What are women better than men at doing?

A: Winning arguments.

Q: What are men better than women at doing?

A: Winning swimming titles.

Yo mama so fat, when she went swimming, they found water on Mars!

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A bus full of children.

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?

Swimming trunks.

If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.

Papyrus: Nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude!

Sans: I guess now it says pool dude ;)

Papyrus: SSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS!

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?

"Please get out of the pool."

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

What do you call a Mexican that dives into a pool? Bean dip.

There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"

I got caught peeing in the pool.

The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!