Swimming jokes

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?

A) Robert Drowney Jr.

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student: The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher: She drowned?!

Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?

Because the Africans couldn't swim.

Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?

To keep its nuts dry.

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."

"Why not?"

"He keeps peeing in the pool."

"Well, all kids pee in the pool."

"Not from the diving board!"

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.

Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?

He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.

Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.

Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.

American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."

If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?

Because Black people can’t swim.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.

If we can't see air, can fish see water?