Yo' Mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out man.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says “well all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket”. So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says “dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end the lifeguard saw me blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in
I got caught peeing in the pool
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a LIFEGUARD
I told one of my friends your the reason why gene pools have lifeguards
Two pedophiles are on a beach
One says to the other "Move over, you're in my sun"
Q: Why did Stevie Wonder drown?
A: Because there wasn't a lifeguard in sight.
So when Kim kardasion went into the ocean the lifeguard said no plastic littering
