Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
Lifeguard Jokes
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
I got caught peeing in the pool.
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
Q: Why did Stevie Wonder drown?
A: Because there wasn't a lifeguard in sight.
So when Kim Kardashian went into the ocean, the lifeguard said, "No plastic littering!"
