Swimming jokes
I got caught peeing in the pool.
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."
What's written on the bottom of a Belgian swimming pool?
"No smoking."
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you call a Mexican that dives into a pool? Bean dip.
“Life is going swimmingly,”
“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.