Swimming jokes
I got caught peeing in the pool.
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
For every blonde in the world,
scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
swim like a boss
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
TITANic
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.
What is a monster's favorite place to swim?
Lake Erie!
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
What is the Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country, wall climbing, and their favorite activity in the summer is lawn mowing.
What happens to teeth when they go in water?
Bro, I dunno, they get wet?