Swimming

Swimming jokes

Depression

Do depressed people hate swimming?

They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.

Blonde

For every blonde in the world,

scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Mob

I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...

School Bus

Me: What's yellow and can't swim?

My sister: What??

Me: A school bus filled with kids.

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  • Bus

    1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

    - A bus full of children.

    2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

    - He died of a yeast infection.

    3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

    - “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

    4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

    - Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

    5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

    - Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    Jesus

    Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.

    Swing

    Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

    Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

    Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.

    Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.

    Pool

    My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

    Woman

    How are women like swimming pools?

    They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

    Sport

    What is the Mexican's favorite sport?

    Cross country, wall climbing, and their favorite activity in the summer is lawn mowing.

    Teeth

    What happens to teeth when they go in water?

    Bro, I dunno, they get wet?