Swimming jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.

Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

What happens to teeth when they go in water?

Bro, I dunno, they get wet?

Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.

Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.

Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"

Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."

She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."

Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"

One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.

Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.

Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."

If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.

Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.

I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.

"Eugheugh," said the boy.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

Neither has he.

Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

Yo mama so fat, when she went swimming, they found water on Mars!

Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.

Happy was a cute hippo.

Happy sleeps in the water.

Happy walks on land.

Happy runs on Savannahs.

Happy swims in mud.

Happy takes a bath.

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.

Q: What are women better than men at doing?

A: Winning arguments.

Q: What are men better than women at doing?

A: Winning swimming titles.

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"