Swimming jokes

Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.

What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.

yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"

Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?

What's yellow and can't swim?

A dead goldfish.

Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?

It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.

What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

How did the hipster drown?

He ice-skated before it was cool.

Titanic, doing the polar plunge before it was cool.

What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?

Cross country.

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.

Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

Neither has he.

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!