Swimming jokes
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
Titanic, doing the polar plunge before it was cool.
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
Is water wet?
Why don’t Mexicans have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the USA.
I got caught peeing in the pool.
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!
These are all of my terrible jokes.
Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.
A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"
Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"
I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"
A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."
A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.
A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.
I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.
A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.
Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.
What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.
Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.
Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.
There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
What has 30 legs but can't swim?
A bus full of children!
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...