Swimming jokes
For every blonde in the world,
scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
When you go to the community pool
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
What happens to teeth when they go in water?
Bro, I dunno, they get wet?
What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?
Cross country.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.
Q: What are women better than men at doing?
A: Winning arguments.
Q: What are men better than women at doing?
A: Winning swimming titles.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.