Swimming jokes
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
Papyrus: Nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude!
Sans: I guess now it says pool dude ;)
Papyrus: SSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS!
Yo mama so fat, her swimming is Sea World.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Is water wet?
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
Why don’t Mexicans have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the USA.
What do you call black people in pool?
Coco Pops.
I got caught peeing in the pool.
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
What’s yellow and can’t swim??
A school bus with elementary kids.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
What do you call a Mexican that dives into a pool? Bean dip.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
Titanic, doing the polar plunge before it was cool.