Surprise jokes
I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃
When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟
What do you call a surprised Chinese man?
Answer: Ho Lee Fuk.
Obi-Wan be like:
"To Darth Maul, lightsabers are blue, lightsabers are red. I cut you in half, why the fuck aren’t you dead?"
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
What's 10 inches and makes women scream?
Cot death!
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
Boy: *scares girl*
Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"
Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*
Girl: What work?
Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."