Speech jokes
My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
You know what, I'm done. We are banning "your mom" jokes. They're old, weird, and have been done thousands of times. Just like your mom.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye, matey!
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
Memes
Like if its true
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
A single sentence walks into a bar.
What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."
I can't think of any jokes.
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party?
To leave everyone SPEECHLESS!
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
Are you choked?