Speech jokes
If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."
My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye, matey!
What do gay horses say?
"Hay ya'lllllllllllllll!"
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
A single sentence walks into a bar.
What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."
I can't think of any jokes.
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
What's a deaf kid's favorite words?
"Shut up."
Royal rebel and push so back, they ever marble say that drink pushback.
What did MLK Jr. say when he spent the night on the internet?
"Last night I had a meme."
Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."
LOL
There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."