They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party? (Part 2) To leave everyone SPEECHLESS
Are you choked?
Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
Eschew obfuscation.
What's a deaf kid's favorite words?
"Shut up."
Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."
LOL
There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
What did MLK Jr. say when he spent the night on the internet?
"Last night I had a meme."
Royal rebel and push so back, they ever marble say that drink pushback.
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
