Convention jokes
The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw them down the stairs and see what noise they make! WA WA WAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
Me at the Anti-Orphan Jokes convention. 💣🗡🔪🧨🔫
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
The three unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
How do Chinese people name their children?
They drop a tin can down a flight of stairs and call them the sound that's made.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.