Speech jokes
What did the Indian say to the cow?
I lowe you, moo than anything.
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
"Stop it," said he.
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
Obama: It smells like UpNigga in here...
Trump: What's UpNigga?
Obama: Omg did you say the n word?? Die!!!
What was I saying again?
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
"Aye, matey."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
Q: What do gay horses say?
A: "Geigh!"
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it.
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
What did the man say about someone who had a seizure?
"Jit was lagging."
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
Má ég fara heim?
(In an infant-esque voice.)