Speech jokes
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.
Me: And I don't speak idiot language.
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."
What's the difference between George Floyd and Joe Biden?
They both talk like they're on fent.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Tada mun ang hai jiwain taage naal khota bania Honda ae.
I got no joke.
"UwU my balls says mommy."
"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"
Eschew obfuscation.
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."
LOL
There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says mo mo.
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says maa maaa.
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."
What do gay horses say?
"Hay ya'lllllllllllllll!"