Speech jokes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
How do pirates like their movies?
You already know the answer, don't you?
Well...
ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...
Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.
What's a deaf kid's favorite words?
"Shut up."
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Sugar Honey Ice Tea.
I FORGOT MY JOKE!
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party?
To leave everyone SPEECHLESS!
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."
Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.
My friend: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: O B C D.
"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."
"My name must taste good; it's always in your mouth."
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?
I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
Hey, I'm Gwen. I just want to say I am speechless.