Sound jokes
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
Memes
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Cow says,
"Cow says who?"
No! Cow says moo!
About a dog.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
What bathroom does a trumpet go to?
The brass room...
Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow don't go who, they go moo!
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
Bro, your humor is so bad I bet you would laugh at this.
A B 💿.
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.
Person one: What did the DJ name his son?
Person two: IDK, what?
Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).
What do cows listen to?
Moo-sic.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."