Sound jokes
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
If you think I sound sexy, just reply "sexy."
Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
Boo Boo Doo.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
For some reason, quarks sound really strange to me.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
Why do women love wind chimes?
They vibrate.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The butt.
The butt who?
The butt goes mooooo!
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
Loud Korea noise.
What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue?
You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
What happened to the glue?
I knew you would get stuck on that!