I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow don't go who, they go moo!
Bro, your humor is so bad I bet you would laugh at this.
A B đź’ż.
Person one: What did the DJ name his son?
Person two: IDK, what?
Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
What do cows listen to?
Moo-sic.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
What bathroom does a trumpet go to?
The brass room...
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
About a dog.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Cow says,
"Cow says who?"
No! Cow says moo!
Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?
"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
How do ducks fart?
Out their butt, quack.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
