Sound jokes
How do ducks fart?
Out their butt, quack.
Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?
"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
A sheep, a snake, and a drum fell off of a cliff.
Baa- Dum- Tsss!
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
Loud Korea noise.
trolololololloollllol
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang."
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.
When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.
That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.
Do you know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"?
No, it screeches.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.