Sound jokes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

Why do men fart louder than women?

Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.

What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?

A hoe hoe hoe.

Six one.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.

What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

Alpha Kenny body?

When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.

When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.

What is a dog's favorite snack?

RUFFles.

What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.

What did the mic say to the rapper?

"Don’t DROP me, bro!"

What did the rapper say to the computer?

“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

Why was Sonic fast?

To be rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my lead.

What instrument do skeletons play?

The Trombone!