Sound jokes

"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."

What did Ahsan do?

Meow meow.

I like your cut, G.

*Slaps really hard*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?

The sound when they hit the windshield.

Alpha Kenny body?

What did the rapper say to the computer?

“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”

What is Helen Keller's favorite color?

Velcro.

How did the Asian couple name their child?

They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.

What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.

"SCOOT WANT TAXI!" Ok, maybe I do but can't make it there because yo mama is so fat he can't hear me on the other side.

Sharb Glarv Jug jug Milky Jar jar Pobbies Mm yum yum Rawr Big pooboes.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.

On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"

Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"

💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1

Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.

Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)

Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.

Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)

Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.

Mom: But what he did was wrong.

Girl: I know.

(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)

Mom: Is that ur dad.

Girl: Yes Mom

Comment Part 2

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."

The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.

The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.

The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.

Your maw *microsoft shutting down noise*

Your momma is so stupid, she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.

If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.