I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
Sound Jokes
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
Uhhhh ohhhhhhh yea (moan).
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
"Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?"
"Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!"
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
What sound did Stephen Hawking make when he died? Power off.
What do you call a train full of gum?
A chew chew train.
I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. 🧼
Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows.
When the nlgga is farting!!!
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.
"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.
Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
Say "I hop in this:".
I made you eat your peas! 🤦
