Short jokes
Shrek and the Hulk became politicians.
And they created The Green Party.
We should stop.
Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?
The boomerang!
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.
Why is it bad to high five an emo?
They will leave themselves hanging.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
Q: What do Olympians make bad DJs?
A: They keep breaking records!
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
What did one Geodude say to the other Geodude?
Let’s rock!
I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?
He said “Wynaut.”
Pokemon: Are you a Flareon? Why?
Because you’re a sexy fox.
Which Pokémon do soccer players like the most?
GOALduck.
What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon?
“Kakuna Rattata!”
Why do orphans hate mitosis cells?
They have parents.
What mountain cries the most?
A mountain under water.
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"