Short jokes
Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.
Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!
Person: WTF!
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?
Chat date for Tenya and Jordan.
Hit 'em with the 1, 2, Jeffery Dahmer!
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
Why was the piano waiting at the front door?
Because it forgot which key to use!
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?
A Tyrannosaurus Tex.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.
How many people does it take to wash the dishes?
Only Juan.
What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!
Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.