Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
If you were a food, what would you be?
Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."
Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."
Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.
Yes, I'm CUTE.
C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.
You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.
I hate myself.
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
