Short jokes
Creeper?
What is Thanos's favorite video game?
Pokémon Snap.
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.