Short jokes
Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
Ben: I don't know.
Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.
If emo grass cuts itself for you, then what do transgender picture frames do?
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Have you heard of the book about the transgender whale?
It’s called "Maybe Dick."
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.