Short jokes
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
Hi huuuuuy.
Why couldn't the pony sing a song?
He was a little horse.
What were the terrorist of 9/11 thinking?
We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we'll have to go through it.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.
I dunno man, worked for me.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Michael J. Fox is rumored to be starring in the new Tremors sequel.
Did you hear about the new Chinese food?
It is called: “Wuhan Fried Bats”!
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?
Because they both split away from their family.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
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