Short jokes
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite type of music?
Rock and Roll.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
lmao why do people think they can fly?
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.
You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded its title back!
Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?
They're both white and flavorless.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.