Short jokes
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.
Crack me, break me, love me, and you ate me--egg.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purrrple!
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
A farm full of cows were bombed, and only two survived. All of the udders died.
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
Okay, I'm going to be sharing a story that I never shared before... Look in the chat to see the whole story.
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
Why did I giggle?
Because I saw the ocean's bottom.
I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."