Short jokes
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?
I don't know. I still haven't found them.
Do not roast. *sigh in depression*
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
China wants their name on everything but the m.f. virus.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What’s the difference between Diana and Casper the ghost?
Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
I ate some gunpowder once. It was an exploding experience.
Why did the orphan start crying?
Because his apple found a home in his stomach.
What is worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.