Short jokes
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
When was the biggest BBQ in history? Hiroshima, August 6, 1945.
Sodomising a physically challenged homophobic heterosexual white male is better than the smallest act of kindness.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"