Short jokes
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.