Short jokes
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free...
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.