Short jokes
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
Whatβs the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
Whatβs the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.