Short jokes
My mom said you failed school. I said, "Don't be surprised, I'm a retard, Mom."
One time, I was making a caramel apple.
When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
Every second, 1 kid gets diagnosed with homework.
Unbelievable! When I searched “house of spades,” all I saw was a slave home!
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
UHH, DADDY!
I make elevating music; you make elevator music.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.
What is a monkey’s 🐒 favorite dance move?
The banana 🍌 split.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?
Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?
Did you hear the rumors about butter?
Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
What was the score of the basketball game in Africa?
Eight-nothing.
Why do humans hate aliens?
Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.