Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!
Short Jokes
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
What is Saturn's favorite movie?
Lord of the Rings.
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
