Short jokes
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Glock 46.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.
"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"