City jokes
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
What’s New York’s favorite game?
2001 flight simulator.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?
New York Jets.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
Why did Joe Biden visit Hiroshima? Because the city has the hottest prepubescent girls in the world.
Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
What's 9/11 survivors' least favorite NFL team?
New York Jets.
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?
"Here Comes The Airplane!"
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”