Short jokes
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.