Short jokes
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
Actually, Iron Man is female.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.