Short jokes
Why does Hitler hate golf?
He would end up in a bunker!
Your hairline receded like the girls did after the party.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Draggin’.
Draggin’ who?
Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.