Short jokes
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
Enyaw’s fanny smells of dirty, moist, fishy, rotten egg, dead Elizabeth, pig dick, cow cum filth.
Dirty bitch!
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.