Short jokes
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.
in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
what came first, The apple or the girl? The apple, because the tree left her hanging :)
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!