Short jokes
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
Why does Hitler hate golf?
He would end up in a bunker!
Your hairline receded like the girls did after the party.
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."