Short jokes
What do you call a gay Eskimo?
A snow blower.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
What did the plane say to the tower?
"Give me a kiss."
Virginia is false advertising. Couldn't find many virgins there.
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
What is Hitler's favorite animal?
A dolphin.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?