Short jokes
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?
That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
So Kenny finally found his one true love.
But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.