Short jokes
Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.