Short jokes

If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.

"Most Deadly Sport"

Playing chicken with a train!

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Are you corona? Cuz it’s hard to breathe around you ;)

Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?

Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.

What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?

One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.

What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.

There is a feminist group in my town.

It is called Gal-Qaeda.

(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)

Why did the bee buzz off?

Because he had to bee somewhere.

What is the difference between a nerd and leafyishere?

One is fun to laugh at, bully, and roast, and the other is just a nerd.

Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.

What song genre do the national anthems fit into?

Country.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse.

Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.

What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?

I moustache you a question.