Short jokes
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.
If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
Imagine Africans during a solar eclipse...
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.