Short jokes
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cat scan!
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
I groomed 2 minors today.
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"