Short jokes
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!