Short jokes
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
It's not rape if you're both crying.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
Go commit neck rope.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.
What is the best Catholic dating app?
Grinder.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?