Short jokes
Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
Go commit neck rope.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...
I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
What is the best Catholic dating app?
Grinder.
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.