Short jokes

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

Go commit neck rope.

What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.

What is the best Catholic dating app?

Grinder.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

If rape was about power, then my electric bill would be a positive balance.

Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gay people can play Star Wars.

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.

Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?