Short jokes
I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.
Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?
JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.
My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.