Short jokes

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

It's not rape if you're both crying.

I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.

I ran over three disabled kids.

"Cripple kill."

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

If rape was about power, then my electric bill would be a positive balance.

Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gay people can play Star Wars.

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.

What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?

Ginger! You racist fuc-

Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?

What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...

What’s the key to a successful relationship?

Consent.

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.

Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.

I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".

Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.