Short jokes
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
It's not rape if you're both crying.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
Incest. A game the whole family can play.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.
People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."
God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
After 40 years, Kobe finally learned to pass.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.