Short jokes
What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?
She slurs her words...
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
Your forehead is so big, John Cena could wrestle on it.
Depressed should be spelled "depraseed" because then they would be 1, 2, 5, 9.
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
Who discovered shrimp were edible?
Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.
A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.
What do you think about the game "Fortnite?"
Shit.
What do the Flintstones and the building next to the Twin Towers have in common? They both live next to the rubble.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.