Short jokes
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
What's great about an emo pizza?
It cuts itself. Yay!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.
Why do white people get abducted by aliens?
Because they're easier to see in the dark.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."