Short jokes

Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

But she has to. She's his mom.

Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.

Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.

What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?

A colonoscopy.

What does a cannibal call people in water?

Sea food.

The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.

What type of tape do kidnappers use?

Abduct-Tape.

Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?

Because their meat has to be in bread.

In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.

Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.

Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.