Short jokes

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."

Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."

What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.

I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?

When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.

Me watching a World War 2 documentary.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.

What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?

Ginger! You racist fuc-

How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer!

Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.