Short jokes

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.

In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.

Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?

All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.

I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!

I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

Why do priests appreciate educated children?

They don't spit.

What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."

Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer.

What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.