Short jokes
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.