Short jokes
If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.