Short jokes
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
Kid: Are you gay?
Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣