Short jokes
Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks!
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.