Short jokes
What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.
Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
What's great about an emo pizza?
It cuts itself. Yay!
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."