Short jokes
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.
And then it hit me.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
Why is the number 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.