Short jokes
I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!
Uranus floats around in space.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
What do you call a black woman?
A Nigg-girl.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Make like a drum and beat it!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.